Brian Michael Moore’s Age of Ultron

Spoiler alert: It should be stated that in Age of Ultron 2 no answers have been revealed and nothing has happened. Anything claiming to be a spoiler would be a drastic misuse of the word. What follows is assumption, free association and the product of someone undergoing mental duress. Please bear with me. Normal service will be resumed at some point.

Assumption alert: The previous statement was not an assumption, assumptions will follow, this is a fact.

age-of-ultron-2-cover

Age of Ultron 2 is bleak. It’s like the worldwide financial crisis finally came to comics, everyone’s had their house repossessed, Black Widow can’t afford a nice dress and Captain America stopped being proud a long time ago…now he’s just…sad.

The first thing Age of Ultron 2 does is hammer into your eyes with its seriousness. Then it punches you in the jaw with a double page spread of the most important place in the world in ruin, following it up with movie font credits, loads of characters with really short hair and dubious morals, before round-housing you with Black Widow with scars instead of an eye….

APOLOGIES READER: I was in the middle of a meta joke commenting on the fact that AoG 2 is just issue 1 with people you care even less about by reusing my review of issue 1 and changing some of the jokes. But I’ve deserted the idea as I found it restricting. Did BMB suffer the same issue? No..AS THE COMICS ARE FUCKING IDENTICAL!

Age of Ultron 2 continues to be depressing. Everything is awful. Point in case: Black Widow. She has scars for eyes and is not bawdy in the slightest. She doesn’t even whip out a Game Boy and have a game of Tetris! At any point! How do they expect us to believe she’s Russian?

And then comes her teammate…

You know who I can’t get enough of? Who I wake up at night in cold sweats thinking about? Who represents the Marvel Universe in such a unique way that no comic feels right without him?

Why it’s the easily forgotten breakout star of 1975’s hit, Werewolf by Night: This guy!

Moon_knight_inline_3

Seriously Mr. Bendis, who the fuck is this guy and why do you keep ramming him down my throat?

Wikipedia tells me his name is Moonknight.

Moonknight?

It must have been a bad day in the Marvel office,  they were just paying Mallets Mallet with the words “Bat” and “Man”, weren’t they?

“Bat Guy? Moon Dude? Night Knight? Moonknight?”

“Yes! But how can we make him different from Batman?”

“Um…Let’s make him wear white?”

As AoG 2 has given us even less information then AoG 1. All that is left for this blogger to do is make wild assumptions about the future of this tale. Three such assumptions follow, none are plausible.

Assumption 1: AoG is a recursive loop. The heroes are caught in an infinite recursion, destined to wander the barren cyberscape of AoG reducing in status until the final issue is filled with Blue Blade crawling in his own muck. Captain America will continue to alternate between standing and sitting. The cycle will eventually be broken by Bryan Hitch refusing to draw the same thing over and over again, thus breaking the fictional cyber prision. Issue 6 will see the Avengers move into alternate Ultron spaces (Day, Hour, Week, etc).

Assumption 2: AoG is just a dream. Apparently everyone was asleep when Ultron attacked.

Assumption 3: AoG is about America’s second depression. Ultron represents the movement of industry and the Succubus capitalist mentality: in short GM Motors. BMB is using his last great piece of work for Marvel to open our eyes to the dark side of the capitalist dream. Veiled references to artisan production and barter systems will slowly come as BMB promotes his politics of choice: Communism. The book even follows the flow of a documentary piece, the movement from hearing the stories of one band of people who’s lives have been destroyed to another, the fixation on the deserted and destroyed landscape. It’s all eerily reminiscent of Michael Moore’s Roger & Me:

I imagine the final issue will take place in a disused office building. Hawkeye desperately trying to get an unsolicited meeting with Ultron by appearing in the foyer and attacking him with anecodatel evidence of his misdeeds while he’s trying to have lunch.

When this comes out in trade, I implore you to rip this issue out. You only need the bookend scene with Cap in it.

Remember in the last review I said “Let’s hope it stays this good“?

Age of Ultron has already let us down.

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This entry was posted by smallimus.

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